How to Tell Your Parents That You are on Academic Probation
Finding out you are going to be on Academic Probation can be an incredibly overwhelming emotional experience. You will likely need to take some time to process your own reaction to this significant status change. Then, you might quickly consider if you should share this news with your parents and then very quickly decide not to. In my opinion, you should tell them, but it can be exceptionally hard. This post is to help you share this news with your family and why you should tell them this information.
I also recognize that all parent-child relationships are not created equal. Your relationship with your parents might not be as supportive or positive, and if that is the case, apply this same information with a guardian, mentor, aunt, uncle, grandparent, close friend, spiritual leader, former coach, campus staff member, or former high school teacher you have a strong relationship with.
What is Academic Probation? What are its Goals?
Academic Probation is a status given to students who have not met the standard to be considered in Good Academic Standing. At most institutions, this is either due to your semester GPA or cumulative GPA being less than some value. At some schools, this also is impacted by the number of credits you earned in a single semester or throughout your time at college.
Academic Probation can be perceived as a punishment, but it's really about providing extra support, connecting students to potentially unknown resources, and restructuring a student’s work schedule to limit the factors that may impair their ability to focus on academics. Being on academic probation may impact the number of credits you can register for during the semester. At many colleges, being placed on Academic Probation results in the inability to hold an Executive Board role in a student group to limit your time spent on extracurriculars so that the same amount of time can be reallocated towards schoolwork.
The status of Academic Probation provides you with an opportunity to address the factors that have adversely impacted your academics. Learning is a learned behavior; it does not come naturally, particularly in a college setting. Learning is a skill that takes time and practice. Being on academic probation provides you with an opportunity to learn how to learn the appropriate skills to succeed in college. You can be very smart and capable and still not do well in college because of how different it is when it comes to academic expectations.
Reasons to Share Being on Academic Probation
First, you might be wondering why you should bother sharing this news with your parents. Living in a half-truth world is difficult. Not being completely honest with them can be challenging and can impact your relationship negatively. For example, one former student shared that his brother used his probationary status as a form of blackmail to get what he wanted by constantly threatening to share the news with their parents.
Your parents might find out in a roundabout way and not directly from you. This will make the situation much worse. There is going to be a lack of trust, and your parents may overcompensate by demanding passwords to your online platforms to check your grades and even email your faculty. (I know this sounds extreme, but I have seen this happen.) Your parents hearing the news from you proactively is a mature way of showing your growth, that you are an adult, and that you are prepared to solve the problem.
And the goal of Academic Probation is to get back into Good Academic Standing as soon as possible. Parental support and involvement with this process can help you be held accountable by people whose opinions are meaningful to you and by people who know you.
Your parents could actually provide you with support that you may not believe that you need. For example, your parents might be able to help connect you with resources like a therapist, or a medical doctor, or help you to reflect on why things might not have gone well during the semester.
Preparing to Share this Information with Your Parents
Before you have the conversation, it is important for you to be prepared. Again, you want to show your parents how you are maturely handling this news as an indicator of how you will manage when things don’t have positive results in the future.
1. Reflect
Initially, take some time to determine the source of the problem as to why things went wrong. Consider some of these questions:
Did you struggle to engage with coursework because of mental or physical health issues?
Was your major of choice the wrong fit, and you didn't do well in the classes of your current major?
Did you face any personal challenges that impacted your academic performance?
Do the courses with strong grades vs. weaker grades fall into certain categories, types, or departments? (e.g., math courses, pre-requisites, writing courses, science courses, humanities, discussion-based, lecture courses, smaller class size, large classes, morning classes vs. afternoon classes)
Have you figured out that you are not great at test taking, writing papers, or managing a semester-long class project? Do the classes you have struggled with fall into one of these categories?
Do you think you may have an undiagnosed learning difference, such as ADHD, Processing issues, or Social Anxiety?
Did you mismanage your time or underestimate the time it would take to complete certain assignments?
Were you overly focused on extracurricular involvement and not on academics?
2. Check the Policy
Then, do your homework! Go look up your college’s policies regarding Academic Probation. This information can help you to understand what standard you need to meet to no longer be in this status. You also might be able to learn the limitations placed on you during this status, like extracurricular involvement, enrolled credits, and required advising meetings, as well as what happens if you do not get back into Good Academic Standing again.
What does “Academic Probation” actually mean at your university? How do you get off of Academic Probation? Is it your cumulative GPA, semester GPA, or credits earned that determines whether you get off of Academic Probation? Or is it a combination of some of those items? Are there limitations in place for the number of credits you can attempt while on Academic Probation? What other limitations are imposed on students while on Academic Probation, such as not being allowed to be on an executive board for a student organization? Does this status directly or indirectly impact your financial aid?
Some parents might have a strong initial reaction to you being placed on Academic Probation. This reaction could be confused, surprised, angry, or shocked about the probationary status. They may have lots of questions, and you need to be prepared to answer them or at least be prepared to calm the situation so a productive conversation can happen.
Some immediate questions students should be prepared to answer are:
What is academic probation?
How do you get off Academic Probation?
How does this affect your financial aid and standing?
How does this affect extracurriculars and athletics?
What happens if you don’t get off Academic Probation?
3. Campus Resource Research
Take time to research some relevant campus resources. Consider Student Disability Services, tutoring, academic coaching, Counseling Center, and recreation center. One way to learn about these resources is to ask your Academic Advisor, research your university website, or even ask your friends about the support systems they use at your institution. If you do ask your friends, make sure to also ask a staff member at your institution too.
Pro tip: Your campus may have a special program aimed towards supporting students on Academic Probation, if this is the case, sign up! During the semester, make sure to be an active participant throughout the whole semester. For example, at the University of Connecticut there is the UConn Connects program where students get paired with a mentor to work with during the semester. They help provide guidance and support during the probationary status.
4. Meet with the Relevant Professional Staff
Meet with an academic advisor. During this meeting, confirm your research about the policies regarding Academic Probation. Share your story and what happened this semester, then ask them for ideas of resources that could help you that are offered at your institution. They will know about offices and programs that could be helpful to you that you might not have considered previously.
Your advisor can help to guide you regarding the classes you should take in order to be successful. They may suggest a new major that you have not considered previously in an area that you enjoy and do well academically. For instance, retaking an entire semester of failed courses is usually not the strongest idea because if they were difficult to juggle together the first time, the demands will be the same in the following semester.
5. Make Your Plan
Create a plan for your following semester to address some of the things that you felt were challenging. Think about the courses you plan to take in the following semester. Be specific about how often and in what ways you will connect with resources. How will you use faculty to help you during the semester?
Pro tip: I suggest that you meet with your academic advisor or an academic coach at least one time per month during the semester you are on Academic Probation. They can give you guidance about grading options, resources on campus, and offer support. Academic advisors can help with building confidence and mitigating problems before they spiral out of control.
Pro tip: I also want to suggest that you update your advisor via email about courses, questions, and your summer/winter plans on a frequent basis. This connection can only help!
How to Share this Information with Your Parents
Honesty is Essential
Be honest when sharing the news. Tell your parents the truth about how you ended up being placed on Academic Probation. Share if it was your GPA, credits earned, or if both of these conditions apply.
Example 1: “I really struggled this past semester with my heavy STEM course load and managing the work for these classes, and I failed to ever get on-pace with the assignments. Then my GPA was so low that I ended up on Academic Probation”
Example 2: “When I was having a hard time with Spanish, I stopped attending class. I ended up failing the class and earned under 12 credits.
Own Your Part
Take ownership of where you went wrong during the semester. I know this part can be hard to see at first, but blaming all of your faculty when you were not studying effectively is not going to show your parents that you realize how your actions (or inactions) have impacted the result.
Example 1: “When I failed my first exam in Anthropology, I never reached out to the Professor or Teaching Assistant for help.”
Example 2: “Instead of talking to Financial Aid when dad lost his job, I decided to work locally for 40 hours per week and then was too tired to focus on schoolwork. I wanted to make sure we could pay for school and made that my top priority.”
Share Your Plan
Then tell your parents your plan for the semester. Share the resources you plan to utilize at your institution or that you have available to you. Discuss the details of how you are going to use resources and how it will help with the exact missteps you had.
Example 1: “I am going to meet with an academic coach at least every other week throughout the semester to create a prioritization plan because I struggled with knowing what assignments to do each day.”
Example 2: “Because I struggled with mental health this semester which impacted my ability to focus on schoolwork, I want to use time this summer to get some psychological testing done. And, then, when I am back on campus, I am going to work with the Counseling Center regularly.”
Give them Information About the Policy
Your parents might want information about the policies that come into play when placed on Academic probation. This will help to reduce their anxieties and fears when they initially react to the news of your academic standing.
Example 1: “I know you are worried about Financial Aid. Being placed on Academic Probation I have to complete an extra form for Financial Aid. I will need to make sure that I am above the credits earned requirement by the end of this semester to continue to have Financial Aid.”
Example 2: “If I have under a 2.0 GPA this semester, I am going to be put on Academic Suspension. I know this is scary, but I am confident with my change in major and classes for next semester I am going to do well”
Example 3: “You might be thinking about on-campus housing. My status with on campus housing is not impacted by my Academic Probation status. I will continue to live on campus this semester”
Set Clear Expectations
Lastly, be clear about how they can help you during this process. Share how they can best support you during this semester and what things to avoid doing.
Example 1: “Mom, if you realize I am getting stressed, please text me and check in to see if I am sleeping. I usually don’t sleep that great when I am stressed about school.”
Example 2: “When we talk, please ask me what assignments I have due the following week. It helps to keep me on track with upcoming due dates.”
Example 3: “I think meeting weekly to check in about my courses would help me. Please just don’t remind me of the academic suspension policies
If you don’t want them to be involved, let them know. You can say something like: “I plan on dealing with this mostly independently and using campus resources to help with this process, please just be a cheerleader on the sideline for me.”
Conclusion
In my experience, when you share a specific, detailed plan and resources you want to use, parents are more likely to be understanding because your approach to this problem is serious.
So, although this may be a difficult conversation, it will be helpful in the long term to help you get back on track and be supported throughout the process.
Image credit: Tim Gouw via Pexels.